Finally....I did it!

Yesterday I finally reached a goal that I had had for a long time. Even though I am musical, what most people don't know is that I have a fear of performing in public. Since I play the piano so much, my fear has lessened in that area. But the one thing that remained was my fear of singing in public. I know I can sing, but I have never felt that I was the best singer out there so I always deferred to other "better" singers, or I would only sing in a group. I would never sing a solo. Many years ago, when I lived in Spokane, I was asked to sing a solo in Relief Society on short notice. No big deal right? Just a small group of women. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't overcome my fear to sing in front of them. Then when the time had past to sing, I felt sad, embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't do that one small thing and so I made a promise to myself that I would someday sing in public.

Fast forward 9 years - I still hadn't sung in pubic and couldn't seem to make it happen. Even as the Music Chairperson for my ward, I could have easily scheduled a solo in Sacrament meeting for myself. But always when I wanted to sing, I continued to scheduled it with other people. Then this year I had the opportunity to sing in a group for the Relief Society Birthday Dinner program. And the song we were singing had 3 individual solos. I was in charge of helping to find the soloists. Despite the number of women singing I could only fill the 2 solos. So I decided that this was it - I would have to do the 3rd solo (and deep down I was glad - I needed to do this for myself). The song was not hard, but it was pretty low for my voice, so it still felt very uncomfortable. But I practiced hard and the night came and while I was shaking, I was able to sing the song well in front of a group of about 40 women. I felt very pleased that I could do this.

That experience fueled my desire to try again, this time to finally sing in Sacrament (probably the largest group I would ever sing for). If I could do that I could do anything else, right? Since I love Christmas music, I decided to schedule myself to sing during December so I could sing a Christmas song. Believe it or not, I agonized over the song - what would fit me best, what would be the most comfortable range for my voice, etc. Seems silly right now, but before the "scary" event, we do things like that.

So finally Sunday came and it was my turn to sing. I had practiced as much as I could. I had done EFT for my fear (If you are wondering what that is go to www.emofree.com) and prayed, and prayed and prayed. It felt so surreal getting up and looking out at everyone. I don't think I really focused on anything. My body was still, but inside I was shaking. But once I got started singing, I remembered what I practiced and remembered that I loved to sing and that the Lord would help me. And so I just sang. I felt so good about what I sang and that I was able to carry the notes well and it felt like my voice cleared and the tone came out pure and beautiful (something I never felt I could say about my singing voice). And when all was done, I realized how wonderful it was to finally complete a goal that was 9 years in the making. And you know....it really wasn't so hard or scary and I think I could easily do it again.

So I learned that 9 years is too long to wait to overcome a fear and that the older I get the more I realize that life is too short. Do the things I want to do and don't worry about other people think. Set and reach goals and overcome my fears. Now that I have conquered this fear of singing, it is time for me to find something else to master (canning perhaps??).